8/5/16

"When I Find Love Again" - James Blunt

Hey yo
Where can I go, when all the roads I take they never lead me home
Hey yo
I miss you so, but I'm used to seeing people come and go

Yeah, I've made mistakes
Next time, I swear I'll change

When I find love again, when I find love again
I'll be much better than the man I used to be
When I find love again, when I find love again
I'll have a better plan for us

Hey yo
I'm not ashamed, 'cause everybody has a heart that's made to break
Hey yo
Don't be afraid, 'cause you're only getting stronger from the pain

Yeah I've made mistakes
Next time, I swear I'll change

When I find love again, when I find love again
I'll be much better than the man I used to be
When I find love again, when I find love again
I'll have a better plan for us
Yeah, you and me

Yeah, I've made mistakes
Next time, I swear I'll change

When I find love again, when I find love again
I'll be much better than the man I used to be
When I find love again, when I find love again
I'll have a better plan for us
Yeah, you and me

When I find love again, when I find love again
I'll be much better than the man I used to be
When I find love again, when I find love again
I'll have a better plan for us

When I find love again, when I find love again
I'll be much better than the man I used to be
When I find love again, when I find love again
I'll have a better plan for us

第五个月了自从她选择离开我，也颓废了很长的一段时间。
这段时间里，经历了很多人性的无奈，越大越难找到知心的朋友。
也不是不想要振作，而是伤口总是需要时间愈合的。
这些事情之后我也开始重新去思考自己的方向是否正确，是不是忘了要聆听自己的心。
放弃了争取Dental Students' Society's President的机会，我不会后悔，那不是我想要的。
承担更多的责任并不会让我成为一个更好的人。就算可以那也不是我想要的了，我只希望自己快乐，释放自己的心灵，有能力照顾我的家人以及保护我想保护的。
请不要自以为你很了解别人，你今天愿意拿出真情，他日才有机会得到真心朋友。




It's high time I should revive my life.
I'm ready to go again.
It'll take time yet I'll be there to be the best again.
Just you wait and see.

28/12/2015

It usually begins as "I dun care that much about you".
And it ends with "Im the only one who care too much".


Well, I saw a picture of hers holding that guy's hand, posted by herself in her blog, it's her Sabah trip with church members. Blush radiating from her face, her usual face reaction when she's shy or feeling hot.


So you didnt choose me after all.
There's no turning back dy, I gotta admit it, I missed my chance or it was wrong from the beginning.
Well, I dunno.


After all these years, I still dunno how to love a person probably.
Im no longer ready to love.


There's a photo album in my computer, namely "happiness", all the photos with you inside.
"Happiness" somehow is written on the Sabah beach without me there.


You never really love me right, Grace?
He's your boyfriend but you lied to me? Funny.
Other people will replace me afterwards and the cycle begins again. Funny.




Fate.
Where should I go now?

What does Love Mean?

Before going for Mahsa Dental Faculty Annual Dinner 2015, accidentally I found this lovely article, and thus I decided to share it here. I believe in love, time and again. Do you?


See How 4-8 Year-Old Kids Describe Love
A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds: "What does love mean?"
The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think...
_____
"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love."
Rebecca - age 8
_____
"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."
Billy - age 4
_____
"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."
Terri - age 4
_____
"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."
Danny - age 7
_____
"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss."
Emily - age 8
_____
"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen."
Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)
_____
"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate."
Nikka - age 6 (we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)
_____
"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday."
Noelle - age 7
_____
"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well."
Tommy - age 6
_____
"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.
He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore."
Cindy - age 8
_____
"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken."
Elaine - age 5
_____
"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford."
Chris - age 7
_____
"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day."
Mary Ann - age 4
_____
"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones." (Now THIS is love!)
Lauren - age 4
_____
"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you." (what an image!)
Karen - age 7
_____
"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross."
Mark - age 6
_____
"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."
Jessica - age 8
_____
And the final one...
Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child.
The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.
Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.
When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said,
"Nothing, I just helped him cry."


Great to read all these cute thoughts, feeling touched and warm when I actually experienced some of these. *Appreciate every good moments in life,hehe~*


Can't wait to see her later during Annual Dinner. :)

19/8/15

It's another new sem to go as I went through year 1 as dentistry student.
I used to be ambitious in academic aspect, well, the flame of enthusiasm I still have it, the difference is - how to cope with my complicated heart meanwhile dueling with the usual challenges of studies.
2014/15 is a disaster year for me, I really feel lost all the time.


Recording the things happening throughout the year here, just for record purpose.


One of my favourite coursemate, Guan, passed away during badminton training. It's so torturing to recall that particular night. 6 coursemates and me went to Guan's house in Penang together to say final goodbye to him. I like this guy, he's my kind of people, which can get along well with me in a lot of ways. Sometimes things are just inevitable I suppose.


One thing after another, Sharence suffered from an accident. She's like the battery in my group b class, always love to have her jumping here and there, irreplaceable...dont you think so? You're 2 year younger than me and I admire ur spirit and personality so much, so I have always treated you as if you're my own sister. Wherever you're in the future, trust me, you have got everything to make it through the ups and downs of life and have faith in miracle as well as life. Jiayou~


Afterward, feel so sick of mahsa people and disappointed over few good friends. Learning to accept the facts that this world is complicated and I certainly still have a lot to learn and have to grow up more mentally. I took advices from friends and break some bonds with certain friends, you know, for better people to come and to live happier. It's so hurt to be unliked by good friends over some unknown reasons. I no longer have any grudge towards you.


There's a story about scorpion and a kind man. When the scorpion is going to drown in the water, the kind man uses his hand to take the scorpion outta the water. The scorpion bites him and falls back into the water. Little did you know, the kind man still wants to save the scorpion and reaches his hand to the scorpion once again. There it go, the scorpion bites him again. Still, he keeps trying to save the scorpion nonetheless. People asks him: " It bites you! Why you still persist in saving it? " He answers: "Scorpion has the natural instinct to bite. How can I abandon my own kind nature just because it bites?"
Do you get it?


I had figured out the answer I need. Yay~

一年前，一年后．13/14

Whoa,就突然好想写博客，突然好感触。
一年前的今天，一年后的现在，呼，真的很不一样，好意外。

一年前的今天，在考场里，还记得最后一张考卷是物理。考试结束前三十分钟，我开始不断望向窗外，想象着离别的情景。事实上我当时根本不希望考试结束，真的好希望时间可以一直停在那里，让我好好沉醉在十个月的回忆里，让他们好好在我脑海里走完一遍，又一遍，再一遍.......

时间毕竟是无情的，地球也不会因为我而停下来。没有我想象中的道别，考完试后大家似乎只是匆匆地回家去了。我呢，回到房间，用我最快的速度乱七八糟把一切收拾好，然后就去找朋友说再见去了。当时我是知道的，有些朋友几个月后会再见，有些朋友可能这一别，就很难再见了。

说实话最后根本没有跟几个人好好道别，甚至都见不到面就离开了。就好像命运很懂你一样，你再怎样想跟谁道别，就是办不到。

一年前那些疯狂、努力、拼命享受着的时光仍然让我难忘。开始时傍晚的散步、半夜的羽球、写歌、熬夜的早餐、吹水、发泄地跑步、偶尔的脚车、一个月的电话、房间聚会、考试时的一杯咖啡、晚上的散步和谈心事、一起搞活动、巧遇地坐在楼下聊天、bilik bacaan的考试准备。。。
记忆中的我总的来说过得很快乐。人生有很多个站，老实说这一站让我学到了很多，很感激。

谢谢日本虾米先生还有湊凯，一年了你们还是对我这样好，你们真的很值得交。
谢谢兴彦，虽然很王八蛋地很少跟我联络了，不过那些日子有你还是很不错的。
谢谢永耀，可能因为有很多共同点，什么时候联络都还是感觉很熟。
谢谢志耀，那一杯咖啡超温暖。
谢谢斯豪，很多时候还好有你在。
谢谢俪瑾，毕业后每次找你都还是愿意听我说，谢谢你的体谅。
谢谢李靖、紫玲，跟你们很谈得来其实，有时间再聚一聚吧。
谢谢Ah Tiong，没有你的吹水有时都不懂要怎样过哈哈，后期陪我去走走也真的很感谢啦。
谢谢Cheryl，让我知道我一点都不懂得怎么去爱一个人，也是第一个让我清楚知道什么叫现实的人。
谢谢轩宇，因为轩宇、宇轩，傻傻分不清楚哈哈哈，你当兽医看起来很酷~
谢谢咏恩，朋友里面你最有心了，一直到现在偶尔还是会给我关心，而且也感觉得到你很真心，谢谢。
谢谢佳瑜，paiseh那时最后还是没有勇气去Segi，希望你在Segi一切顺利啦。
谢谢真诚(Jen Seng)，UMP的日子里我整个人一直都很down，还好有你一直在帮我。
谢谢苡汶，偶尔谈谈天、讲讲废话还是蛮爽的噢哈哈哈哈。
谢谢晓倩，可能你不知道，不过在我很沮丧的时候你刚好给了我最想听的话，觉得你是会为别人想的人，谢谢，有空一起出来吃个饭吧。
谢谢家人、谢谢hometown老朋友。

一年后的今天，我出现在了毕业时没有办法想象的地方，却学到比我想象中更多的东西。
也许一路无风无雨我会走得很开心，学得更多、更快乐。不过我终于慢慢地学习接受这样的自己，很烂的我，还有很多缺点，不会爱人，很需要学习的我。

拜托这几个月快点过，我想要的是几个月后的那一段人生!!! 被现在的生活压得有点喘不过气来，越是轻松，越是不轻松。我的年龄根本不适合现在这种生活嘛。我还想站在高处，我还想迅速学习，我还想发光发亮!

下一站，快点来吧!!!!!!

Xuan
Be humble and grateful.
30/04/2014

小故事：爱的加减（转） 13/3/14

一天，七岁的外甥拿了本杂志问我：“小姨，假如有三个人向你求爱，第一个喜欢请你吃饭，第二个喜欢给你送花，第三个喜欢写诗赞美你，请问，你愿意嫁给哪一位?” 　　 “ 哪一位都不嫁~ ”我回答。 　　 “假如这三个人是一个人呢?”他又问。 　　 “那倒愿意考虑考虑!” 　　 “现在这个人已经是你的了，并且你们在一起生活了十年。下面我想再问你：十年了，这个男人觉得又是送花，又是请吃饭，又是写诗，实在有点忙不过来，他想减掉一项工作。请问：你想让他减掉哪一项?” 　 　本来我就是想敷衍他的，没想到这小子还有这一招。于是，我认真地说：“就把那顿饭省了吧。” 　　 “好了，又是十年过去了。这个男人认为又是送花，又是赞美，还是有点麻烦，他想再减掉一项，请问：你想让他减掉哪一项?” 　　 “那就把诗免去吧!”我答。 　 　“小姨，你愿意嫁给第二个人。”他喊道。 　 　小外甥像搞测试似的，得到了答案，我却陷入了沉思。 　 　起初，我谁都不愿意嫁，最后，却愿意嫁给一个送花给我的人。假如外甥继续问下去让我答应再减掉一项，我岂不也愿意嫁给一个既不给我送花，又不请我吃饭，也不给我写诗的人吗? 　　 按正常的顺序问我，我不同意，倒过来，从后往前问，我却无条件地同意了。这到底是为什么?难道这道题有诡辩的成分? 　　 这道题没有诡辩的成分，后来我反复地思索，豁然发现原来是爱在起作用。没有爱的时候，你会要求他很多；一旦心中拥有了对他的爱，你就什么都不在乎了。 　 　我们都有过这样的经验，刚谈情说爱那一阵子，约会时我们要求他提前到达；下雨时，我们希望他拿着一把伞出现在公司门口；生日时，对他给不给过生日，也非常地在意。然而，一旦真正地相爱，这一切都不是那么计较了。 　　 不知是谁说过，爱，很简单，有时就是倒杯水。现在想来，爱确实具有简洁的内涵，只要有爱存在，谁会计较外在的东西。

17/2/2014

Lying down and rest for some minutes.

Life never tells,until u slacken your pace or even hail it and u will know how life is unpredictable.
My life had brought me to a difficult station at the moment and it had lasted for months,i never knew what it's for? to learn? to rest? or to refresh? People says life's about choices--we confront our options again and again. I still think it's my best option ever even if it turned myself into such circumstance right now.

When would be the time when i could spark? I'm more raring to having a life this time,waiting for and attempting to create my second chance to start it over.

Continue to learn and feeling grateful.
Be with me,please.